It is more important to see the simplicity, to realize one’s true nature, to cast off selfishness and temper desire.
(Tao Te Ching)
I woke up one day and realized what I had been doing to my mind and body. I realized that my life was going nowhere and I felt very empty inside. I realized that I was living a very shallow and superficial existence. That’s just it; I was not really living. I existed only to go another dead end round with drugs and alcohol. Finally, I realized that life is very sacred and precious. I realized what I was doing to myself and that I did not have to live this way any longer.
I hit “rock bottom” in 1994 at the age of 31. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. On Sunday morning May 15, 1994, I woke up with another severe hangover. I knew my life had to change. I was sick and depressed. I started to attend 12 step meetings and found some hope there. I went to meetings every night of that week in May 1994. The next Friday night I attended a 12 step meeting and was invited to visit another hurting addict after the meeting. I volunteered to go on that visit thinking it would be good for me. I remember thinking that this felt good because we were going to help someone in real need. We were in her home for about two hours visiting and giving her support. I left there and drove around town for about an hour feeling somewhat anxious but hopeful. I finally went home to my apartment where I lived by myself and went to sleep. The next morning I had a very profound spiritual awakening. I felt a supernatural presence in the room with me. I felt like liquid love was being poured out everywhere. For the first time in my life I realized that there is a living God. A bird began to chirp loudly outside my window. The bird’s chirp seemed to resonate through my whole being. I looked at the window and screamed out loud, “What are you trying to tell me?” It was an experience that I can remember like it was this morning. I felt God speak to my heart and say things like “surrender”, “relax and let me take over now”, “you’re running is over”! I began to cry. I fell to my knees. I felt reborn. It was like I was finally awakened from a deep sleep. The obsession for drugs and alcohol was gone. I have not been the same person since that day.
I went to my parent’s home and told them what had happened to me in my bedroom. I was crying and trying to apologize for crying so much. My father said, “Do not worry about your tears, we are crying tears of joy because this is what we have been praying about for many years.” When he said this, it was like a light bulb going off in my heart and soul, I began to believe in prayer for the first time in my life. I realized that prayer had a supernatural effect on my spiritual awakening.
Life for me after this fateful day has been great and wonderful. I have had some bad days but I have been with God and my perspectives have changed, my personality has changed, and I have a whole new outlook on life. I have come to realize that I can abide in deep and lasting peace no matter what is going on around me. I now have a desire for spiritual fulfillment and ultimate freedom. I finally see with my real eyes.
Do you realize what is most important in life?
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